


Memories

by DarthBones



Category: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Gen, wool-gathering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:27:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthBones/pseuds/DarthBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Revan slowly remembers her old life after ~the big reveal~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

Her memories trickled back after the big reveal. In dreams, she’d have flashes of the Mandalorian Wars, her childhood, and especially of Malak. She’d turn the memories over in her waking hours, examining them from every angle.

The first thing she had noticed about Malak was the tattoos. Second, she had noticed his lips. Revan had blushed and he had raised an eyebrow at the color in her cheeks. Their masters realized within a matter of days that Revan and Malak were good training partners. Revan, small and agile, was a good complement to Malak’s size and strength. The obvious attraction the two Padawans had for each other went completely unnoticed; the masters saw what they wanted to see and ignored all else. It was only fear of punishment, rather than the vaunted Jedi self-control, that kept them from acting on their feelings. One would have been hard-pressed to find two more passionate and headstrong Jedi. Both were accustomed to hiding their emotions from their masters and from other apprentices, but with each other, they didn’t have to hide. They grew all the closer for it.

It was after their first victory against the Mandalorians, high on rebelling against the council and filled with bloodlust (and another kind of lust), that they’d made love for the first time. Remembering how gentle and sweet it had been made Revan smile. Each new memory of their time together made it harder and harder to see him as the enemy.

History would eventually claim that when they fell to the Dark Side, Malak had grudgingly assumed the role of apprentice. In truth, few things made him happier than serving Revan. She was his Lord and he was her apprentice. There would always be things she could trust to no one but him. It was only as time went on, as they fell further from the light and grew in power that he began to resent her. And she didn’t even notice that his love was turning to hate. Looking back, knowing that Malak betrayed her, Revan could see the signs. A sneer as he says, “yes, my lord.” Blank expressions where there ought to have been smiles. Stiff bows instead of tight embraces.

Even as her memory returns, Revan has no context for Malak’s injury. The only flash that comes to her is shortly after he’s been shown the damage. His body is wracked with silent sobs as he buries his face in her chest, hands desperately clutching her clothes. Revan strokes his back and lightly kisses his head. They sit together for some while, her chin resting on his head, until finally he falls into a fitful sleep.

Trying to reconcile her old life with her new one proves confusing. Memories and personality quirks conflict at times and she has a hard time determining which is really her. Logically, she knows that the history given to her by the Jedi is fake, but if feels no less real than the scattered memories of Darth Revan. The occasional similarities between the two personalities just make it harder to separate herself from either personality.

As the memories return, she recalls all the big plans she had had for the galaxy. It had all seemed so important at the time. Implanted memories provide context for original and she realizes that everything (Malak’s betrayal, the destruction of Taris, the chaos of Malak’s reign) is her fault. The regret nearly paralyzes her. But then the regret turns to a drive that no quest from the council could ever inspire. If it’s her fault, then it’s her responsibility to fix. Revan understands what that means. Remembering her love for Malak is no boon.


End file.
